Mother Shock

Note: I began writing this post way back on April 19. I didn't quite finish it (such is life) but here it is.

So I was at Bananas last week for a workshop on choosing child care (that's a scary thought for another time) and picked up this book ("Mother Shock" by Andrea Buchanan) from their lending library. I haven't read much. In fact, I've only read the introduction, but I enjoyed that.

I have two sets of reading material going: one, by the bed, is my nothing-about-the-baby pile of books. These are the books that get me through the night, or through rocking Molly to sleep. The other pile is by the couch,where we spend quite a bit of time during the day trying to decide if we're awake & wanting to play or asleep. And thus I have a lot of short moments in which I may or may not suddenly be called upon for a boob, a diaper change, or just a lovely moment to smile & enjoy. And thus I have tried to stock this area with tidbits to read. And thus I added Mother Shock to the pile & picked it up this afternoon and read the first few pages with a sense of understanding.

The premise of the book (according to the introduction, since I haven't actually read the book) is that becoming a mother is like traveling to a very foreign land and going through culture shock. A few quotes & then I'm on my way.

She starts out:

Imagine you have just moved to a foreign country. You have the worst case of jet lag ever. The guidebook you brought, which seemed so comprehensive before you left home, does not tell you everything you need to know. You do not yet speak the language, and everything is confusing. Your ... traveling companion ... gets to go back home each morning, coming to visit you only at the end of the day... [I]n this particular country you are expected to adapt immediately... You miss your friends back home, who only imagine the excitement of your travels and are unable to fully understand the difficulties you describe.

um. yeah.

There are other great quotes that I thought I might share, but since it's taken me nearly a month to put this post together I better just get it done with! She found some anthropologist who described 4 phases of adjustment for culture shock and adapted that information for motherhood. Her four phases include:

1. Mother Love (honeymoon stage, the first month): The pure joy of a mother's bonding with her newborn ... This is the Hallmark-moment experience of maternal bliss that we routinely see in the media and expect to enjoy ourselves.

2. Mother Shock (crisis, months two to six): ... the stress of the new situation-and ... lack of sleep-begins to take its toll. In culture shock, the second stage is mostly sparked by unmet expectations and the strangeness of being cut off from cultural cues. The second stage of mother shock [has] the added critical factor of sleep deprivation. ... With little sleep and first-time-parent nerves, disillusionment, frustration, and self-doubt can begin to set in. ... A new mother may feel overwhelmed by the immediacy of her baby's needs and may also feel isolated. ... [I]t is in this stage that postpartum depression can set in for some women.

3. Mother Tongue (recovery, months seven to nine): ... gradually ... a mother becomes acclimated to the routine of life with an infant. ... [E]ither By this point her baby is